PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
