I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
