I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
