I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
