Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
