We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
