Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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