eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
