I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
