I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
