People with herpes should wear stickers.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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