Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
