I skipped work to stalk him.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
