I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
FUCK WHALES
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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