I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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