after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
