I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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