dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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