Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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