next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
