going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
