hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
