there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
