Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i may or may not be watching the land before time
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
