His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
