somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
