turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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