we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
