i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
