I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
