We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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