help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
