Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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