i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
