So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
