She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
