dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
