I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
