I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
