I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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