Have you finally orgasmed yet?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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