My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
