She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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