How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
