I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
