I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
