Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
