the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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