Its about making memories worth repressing
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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