mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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